Rudy and His Camera

dysphoric

Sup Pops
2012

Summer is nice. Here’s a sample of what I’ll be working on this summer.

Hellooooooo all-access 

I Mean, Really.
2012

Yum 
2012

You Make My Jaw Drop, But I’m Still Unamused
2012

So it’s 8:06am on Saturday, May 19th. I just had a nightmare, one of the worst ones ever.
This morning, I woke up around 6:00am and went downstairs to get a glass of water. I came back up but I had trouble sleeping.

First thing I remember is that me and my friends were downtown. If I can remember correctly, it was me, Mike Leisering, Ryan Mitchell, Melissa Holmes, Nohelly Delatorre, Jordan Solari, and maybe Tim Alingasa. We were coming back from North Avenue beach or something, and we were on our way to catch the Metra back to Schaumburg. We were by what looked to be the south end Union Station, but above ground, so you could see down into where the trains pull in. Anyways, our train was arriving when we saw a car driving toward it. The train was going slowly, but it still wrecked the car and pulled in. I began to walk toward it; I was compelled to see the damage, but I was stopped by Mike. “Don’t do it. Something is fucked up.” I looked around at my friends and felt worry.

Next thing I know, I’m back in my bed. Maybe I woke up at this point, but just briefly. Laying in my bed, I heard a train horn. I thought, “whatever,” I can hear the Schaumburg Metra from here anyways. It gets louder. I feel uneasy. It gets louder yet. My bed begins to rumble. I hear a jarring crash and immediately get out of my bed and run down the stairs. I try to open the front door but in panic I fumble with it. Finally unlocking the door, I ran outside to find that a Metra train had derailed and some how made it’s way into my neighbor’s house, about five houses over from mine. Some how I knew it was a Bartlett train. It didn’t make sense to me that a train could be derailed and continue this far off of the track. I went back inside; I felt it was dangerous to remain outside. My mom was awake now, and we exchanged worried looks. I felt the fear. I felt like I knew what was going to happen next. I hear more train horns and look outside. To my shock, the train I saw was hooked to a silver Honda Accord. The damn thing was being driven into my neighbors house. I run inside and explain it to my mom. Very calmly, she says, “I knew this was going to happen. They’re trying to cause panic and start fires and block communications.”

All of a sudden, Ryan is with me again. We hear another crash and go outside to find that a train had clipped his front door, two houses down. For some reason we go back inside. Another train crashes; this time the train is embedded in his garage. He looks and walks out into the street. He must have been devastated; he’s lived their as long as I’ve lived in my home; our entire lives. His family might have been hurt or killed. He couldn’t focus. He didn’t hear me when I yelled his name. Another train with no car steering it flew in between us through my lawn and into the house and the end of the street. Immediately after it was another train led by another silver Honda. It’s headed right for Ryan. “Ryan! Get out of the way!” He finally hears me and sees it, but the driver must have heard me too. The train changes direction towards me and I run back into the house. I’m hardly into the living room when it crashes through my little front hallway. I scream for my mother. She looks at me, with hardly any emotion. For whatever reason, none of this seemed like a shock to her. “I told you,” she says.

I run for my laptop and open Facebook - other people must be posting about this, it can’t be just my neighborhood. First person I see in my feed is, “Tim Alingasa: WTF IS HAPPENING?”, followed by a complaint about being unable to purchase something online. Next status was by Val Bergantino, “WTF virtual fire!”. I looked outside and realized there was black smoke everywhere but I couldn’t see any flames. There were other panicked posts and talk about a terrorist attack. I thought about the fact that I was planning on photographing a NATO protest today. I hear another train. It gets louder and louder and my heart begins to beat out of my chest.

Then I see the suns rays on the guitar holder on my wall. The fear and panic slowly subside as I roll over and realize it was a dream. My heart is still racing. My mind is all over. But I feel relieved.

This was the second dream about terror attacks I’ve ever had. The first one was last August before I moved into my apartment. So what the hell, psyche? Why are you feeding me terror and violence? I had a great night with great people and went to bed with a smile on my face. Why’d you have to go and do that?

Like, Blehh
2012

This is a scanned polaroid from Christa’s going-away party. It’s the only polaroid I took that night and she’s not even in it hahah. But this image is relevant; another summer of goal of mine is to take a polaroid or film exposure photograph of all of the people i’ll hang out with and meet during this summer. Photography hasn’t felt more important to me than it has lately.